On his thoughts of tweeting a picture of his wife’s butt like Ashton Kutcher did of Demi Moore: “Don’t take a picture of your wife’s butt. That’s silly. Take pictures of other people’s wives’ butts.”
On lying about how much money you make on your online dating profile: “Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.”
On talking on the phone while taking a whiz: “No, you can’t talk on the phone! Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation? That’s why you should only text in the bathroom. Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don’t want those followers.”
On sometimes awkward cyber dilemmas: “Who cares if your Warcraft wife is really a dude. If it’s good, don’t check under the hood.” (Warcraft is a massively multiplayer online video game.)
